Tuesday, 9:05 PM, 15th May

Jag är bara smått uttråkad och har tid över, men jag känner inte för att skriva om min USA resa just nu så jag tänker bara skriva några rader.

Jag känner mig bättre. Jag spenderar dagarna i mitt korridorrum och pluggar med radion på (antingen P3 eller P1) och går över parken till Ekonomikum för att använda universiteters gratis wifi tills det blir sent och jag måste gå tillbaka. En del i mig oroar sig över att misslyckas med tentan även om jag pluggar, och en annan del säger att det kommer att ordna sig. Och jag måste kontakta min handledare för SOFOSKO och fråga när det är ok för mig att börja på labbet. Jag är lite orolig… men det är kanske bara mitt självförtroende som är lite låg. Det kanske känns bättre när jag är där igen.

Hur som helst. Det har varit väldigt varmt här de senare dagarna (imorgon ska det bli 28 tror jag!) och jag har försökt att gå ut på eftermiddagarna när jag har pluggat klart. Idag låg jag på gräset på innergården och läste igenom gamla anteckningar och lyssnade på Ultraviolence, det var skönt. Alla som bor i korridoren är väldigt trevliga men det hände ett par gånger att någon måste ha snott min mat så jag satte tillslut upp två lappar i min kylskåpshylla och det har inte varit några problem sedan dess. Men det blir kanske mer tomt i sommar så jag kanske känner mig mer ensam igen om det inte finns någon att småprata med emellanåt.


I’m just slightly bored and have time over, but don’t feel like writing about my US trip at the moment, so I’m just gonna write a few lines here.

I’m feeling better. I spend my days in my dorm room studying and keep the radio on and go across the park to the Ekonomikum campus where I use the university wifi for free until it gets late and I have to go back. A small part of me worries that I will still fail my exam even if I study, and another part tells me things will be alright. I still have 15 days until my exam, then 14 days or so until the next exam. And I need to contact my mentor for the summer research school SOFOSKO about when it’s alright for me to start working at the lab. I’m a little bit worried… but I think it’s just my confidence that is a little bit low. Maybe it will feel better once I’m there again.

Anyway. It’s been very hot here the past week and I’ve been trying to go out in the afternoons when I’ve finished studying. Today I spent some hours on the grass in the inneryard reading through some old notes and listening to Ultraviolence, that was nice. The people living in the dorm are very nice but I had a few incidents where someone must have stolen my food so I eventually put up two notes on my shelf in the fridge and there hasn’t been a problem since. But I think it will be more empty in the summer so maybe I’ll feel more lonely again if there’s no one to chat with every now and then.

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My very first trip to America – part 2

Tuesday

Tuesday was a hot day and spent in Georgia Aquarium and the Coca-Cola Museum. We started in the aquarium and there were school kids everywhere up ’til lunch time! Apparently it was a big field day for many schools and the yellow school buses were parked outside the building… and there were lots of them, haha. The kids were excited to see the sea animals, the younger ones were a little bit loud, but they were alright. The aquarium was huge but it became even bigger when the kids left after lunch, haha. (I don’t think I’ll ever forget the very, very, excited boy in a row behind me at the dolphin show literally screaming “DOLPHIIINNNSSS!!! DOLPHINNSS!!! THEY’RE COMMIIINNNN’!!!” haha! ♥)

My phone’s memory storage died sometime in the aquarium so I don’t have that many pictures and not from the Coke museum either, but the “dolphins” in the picture above are actually white beluga whales playing with their blanket, haha. We stood there and watched them in their big tank for a long while. They were really fun to watch.

Like I said, the aquarium was huge (the biggest aquarium in the world now that I looked it up! 30 million litres of water, that’s impressive!) and had fishes from all over the world… from cold to warm waters. Whale sharks, sea lions, starfishes, an eight armed octopus, penguins, jelly fishes… anything related to the aquatic! We snacked on a pizza and a pretzel from the cafeteria for lunch and I bought a small keychain purse that was too cute… it’s printed with a jellyfish and the text “you jelly”, haha. ♥

The Coca-Cola museum was next to the aquarium so we just had to go and see it too. After getting our entry tickets, we were greeted by some staff who handed us a small can of Coke of our choice. I try to stay away from sodas (because of all the sugar and the carbonic acid that damage your teeth) but since this was the Coke museum, they simply wouldn’t let me go inside without a can, haha. I picked the regular one, carried it with me and left in the fridge when we got back home.

The first thing you experience is a small film (I suspect a longer version of their latest commercial?) in a room filled with old-school advert signs from around the world. I enjoyed the signs the most, haha. The film wasn’t bad, they tried to show how their drink is always there for the important moments in your life, small and bigger moments. After the film, you’re let to enter the next room.

You could choose to see how robots work with filling the glass bottles and cap them, read about the history of the Coca-Cola company and play some games, see even more signs from around the world, all the official Olympic pins, see the designs of their bottles, take a picture with their polar bear mascot… see the huge vault where the recipe is locked inside (to be honest, I think it’s just for visitors to pose in front of for pictures, haha). But I think the best part of the museum was to try different sodas from the world. I know I said I try to not drink soda, but you just had to do it – you would never get the opportunity to try sodas from all over the world in one place. I think my favorites were Ginger Ale from Mozambique and Vegibeta from Japan, there were some other good ones too but I don’t remember them… some were odd to say the least, some were too sweet but the drinks from North America were the ones I disliked the most, haha! And they also had a corner for different Coca-Cola flavors too of course… vanilla and cherry cola weren’t as bad as I had thought.

 

My very first trip to America – part 1

Ok, I’m gonna take this in English only because it would take forever to write it in Swedish and then translate things.

Friday

We (me, my brother Simon and his wife Sarah) left Sweden on Friday afternoon and arrived Friday evening, April 6th. I kept telling myself that I this would be the first time I would truly experience jet lag since the flight was over ten hours and I hadn’t slept at all during that time… I only managed to shut my eyes, but to my surprise, the jet lag never hit me. 🙂 Sarah’s sister Katie picked us up at the airport and drove us to their father’s (and his cat’s) home where we would stay during our trip. I was already surprised that the roads didn’t have any streetlights, but more wonders would come.

Leaving Arlanda Airport

Saturday

Saturday was the big day! We all dressed up and got ready for Katie’s wedding reception, hoping that the rain clouds would go away. The venue was outdoors in a pretty place with lots of nature and luckily under roof… because rain did come later in the evening. We helped setting the tables and decoration together with KT’s friends before the rest of the guests started to arrive. I wore a yellow lace dress with a turquoise bolero, but the weather was cold and I wasn’t the only one who was freezing, even if there was a bonfire burning next to the roof. Luckily for me, a friendly lady lended me a thin rain coat and Sarah found a blanket that I held onto tightly for the rest of the night – I don’t think anybody saw my pretty dress at all, haha! I didn’t know anybody, but people had fun and there were lots of vegan food. I had a fun time too. But I didn’t take any good pictures to share.

Sunday

The day after was a good day to go to the High Museum of Art which had everything from exciting new architectural and interior design to African, European and North American art. The entrance was free that day so a lot of families and couples visited the museum at the same time. It was a large museum with several floors and rooms – you could really spend half a day there if you want to explore everything it offers. I think my favorite exhibition was the photographs of the civil rights movement and how people still today are fighting for their rights.

If I’m not mistaken, we went to a vegetarian restaurant with parrots (outside, at the entrance) for lunch. I had a spinach quesadilla and a smoothie of pear juice, dates and bee pollen. The smoothie tasted kind of weird so my brother had to help me finish it.

Later in the afternoon, KT joined us for movies and we decided to see The Black Panther even though I was the only one who hadn’t seen it yet. We shared a large popcorn bucket and got two sodas – the size of the cup was the size of my underarm! I chose to drink some lemonade but filled my cup up to half. It was large enough for me, haha.

And I noticed that in the beginning of the film, they showed some scenes from “the British museum”… but it was shot outside and inside of the museum we had visited the very same day! I guess they really do shoot a lot of movies in Georgia.

Monday

The next day we went to Atlanta History Center to walk around the grounds and teach ourselves a little bit of the history of Georgia. Simon and Sarah had already been there before so they showed me around a little. It reminded me a lot about Skansen back home in Stockholm, but it was naturally much bigger than that. It was nice to see so many green trees when it was still snowing a little bit the day we left. And the birds sang much more beautifully than the sparrows and magpies back home too, haha.

One of the bigger buildings was the Swan House. It had a big drive way and impressive facade and was built in the 1920’s. A family of five lives there until the 60’s if I’m not mistaken. A maid greeted us when we entered (and informed us that there were “sadly” no ghosts connected to the building when we asked) and an even more impressive stairway were before us. Under it was a radio playing some fun 20’s music and beautiful checkered marble floor. Their turquoise kitchen was large and their library, morning and dinner rooms were like taken from a scene from Downton Abbey. Although the library had a, in my opinion, funny painting above the fireplace – a lady with angels surrounding her, but they didn’t have bodies, only heads.

I had watched the first Hunger Games movie on TV some time before the trip and also recognized some scenes that had been filmed in this house and its (fantastic) gardens.

One of the more impressive rooms must have been the blue master bathroom, haha. Mirrors everywhere! And the master bedroom must have been the size of a smaller apartment.

After the visit we went to OK Café, a diner with an old school styling (even the waitresses wore classic 50’s waitress dresses and aprons). I almost felt like I was sitting in the diner in the Seinfeld shows! S and S ordered a hamburger each with fries and I got a chicken sandwich. He had a coke with that (that got refilled even though we were full so we took it with us home haha) and Sarah and I had a strawberry milkshake each. ❤

忘却 (Forgotten)

The one I love isn’t here anymore
In Heaven or Hell
They’re in places no one can see
Memories of when I was three
Good memories of 23 years ago
I can’t remember them, but
I can’t forget
Even the dirty things appear beautiful
A nostalgic voice, leaving me to go to someone else
I’ll toss the memories into the rubbish bin
Pour gasoline on them and burn them
then change into my mourning dress until someone comes to greet me
I’m alive just to die
That’s why we’re born, that alone
If I could go to the grave, I’d be happy
Sleeping in the coffin, covered in tattoos, with these cold hands
Everyone’s crying, and that’s the worst
That’s the worst
That’s the worst
We should just forget it all
Clinging to the past is so uncool
I don’t need it anymore

Hot lips, cold hands
Let me forget the words
Hard liquor and scary dreams
Let me dance with my eyes shut

The path leading to a bright place
may not necessarily be bright
Where’s the exit? It’s nothing but entrances
I ran through a deep forest

Even if feet are torn off
Even with an artificial leg
for all time
run, Melos!
I’m closing my mouth, but
I open my eyes
and see hard liquor and vomit
I’ll never go back
If I could, once more
I’d like to spit out the saliva I drank
Men too can double-deal
I love you, that’s why I hate you
If I could see you, I’d like to
Happy but in pain
We’re so greedy
Asking for too much again
Empty requests

Hot lips, cold hands
Let me forget the words
Tight jeans, gentle eyes
Call me by that nostalgic name

In this vast world there’s an unknown stage
I hate my bag, it just gets in the way
Hard liquor and scary dreams
When I someday die, empty-handed would be best

Translation by “Joseph

Late night thoughts

Om jag hade varit student i Uppsala innan internet fanns, vem hade jag varit då? Hade jag varit aktiv i studentlivet? Hade jag haft en liten bandspelare med mig när jag flyttade hemifrån, så att jag kan lyssna på musik? Skulle jag leta efter rum att bo i genom att gå igenom alla anslagstavlor på campus? Ha kul på sista april? Ha haft fler vänner? Hade jag varit ännu mer ensam än vad jag är nu, eller skulle jag ha haft vänner nära till hands hela tiden? Det var bara en tanke som slog mig. Att jag är tacksam att internet finns så att jag kan ha vänner där som håller mig sällskap från andra sidan jorden. För tänk om jag hade varit ännu mer ensam. Skulle jag ha klarat av studierna bättre då? Eller hade jag bara mått ännu sämre?

———————–

If I had been a student in Uppsala before internet existed, who would I had been then? Would I’d been active in student activities? Would I bring a small cassette player with me when I moved from home, so I could listen to music? Would I look for rooms to live in by going through all the pinboards on campus? Would I enjoy the last date of April celebrations? Would I have more friends? Would I be more lonely than what I am now, or would I have friends nearby all the time? It was just a thought that hit me. That I’m thankful that internet exists so I can have friends there that keep me company from the other side of the world. For what if would have been more lonely? Would I do better in school then? Or would I just feel much worse?

Twaddle post

Kände bara för att skriva lite kort innan det är dags att sova. 🙂

Idag fick vi en rundvandring på radiologen på Akademiska sjukhuset och fick se en massa olika maskiner… CT, MR, vanlig röntgen, kombinerade röntgenmaskiner… ultraljud på en klasskompis! Han hade som tur var ingen bebis. 😉 Vi fick ta på oss några skjortor så att vi kunde blanda oss in med sjukhuspersonalen bättre.

Jag måste skärpa mig på riktigt snart, jag måste ta tag i saker ordentligt och börja plugga på omtentorna för nästa månad och tentan för den  här kursen.  Den är så utspridd med lite om alla slags sjukdomar som man kan få och mycket känns för inriktat för läkarutbildningen, men det ska nog gå även om allt inte är så jättekul eller intressant just nu.

Imorgon ska bli en bra dag. Jag ska vakna tidigt och plugga.

Just felt like writing a little before bedtime. 🙂

We got a tour today around the radiology department of the university hospital and got to see a lot of machines… CT, MRI, ordinary x-ray machines, combined machines… ultrasound on a classmate! He luckily didn’t have a baby. 😉 We got to borrow some shirts so we could blend in with the hospital staff better.

I have to get myself together really soon, I have to start doing things properly and start studying for the re-exams for next months and the exam of this course. It feels so spread out, barely touching all the kinds of diseases one can get and a lot feels too focused on the doctor/med school students, but I will hopefully make it even though everything isn’t that fun or interesting at the moment.

Tomoorrow will be a good day. I will wake up early and study.

A spark of interest!

Efter att ha kämpat med eftersläpande tentor i ett år och inte känt att kurserna från det senaste året har varit särskilt intressanta började jag fundera på om jag verkligen hade valt rätt utbildning. Jag tappade motivationen efter pappa gick bort, och jag har inte hunnit hitta den än, och kände inte att nåt lät intressant eller roligt. Demens? Hur man känner smärta? Hur matspjälkningen går till? Lungsjukdomar? Viktiga saker men ingenting som väckte något större intresse hos mig.

Och jag tänkte tillbaka på hur jag var så fascinerad av enzymer i början av utbildningen och hur förvånad jag blev av att höra att man i princip inte har hittat några nya antibiotika sedan 80-talet. Och jag började tänka bakåt till gymnasiet när jag var smått intresserad av histologi och tänkte att det skulle vara intressant att titta på patologiska snitt. Och jag kände inget av det där längre. Förrän i förmiddags.

Att kunna påverka kroppens egna immunförsvar så att det lättare känner igen cancer och tumörceller… det har man ju hört talas om men inte riktigt förstått förrän nu. Immunoterapi! Och när man ser att sånt kan bota leukemi och refraktärt metastatisk melanom (malignt melanom har slutat svara på behandling)… det är ju fasiken spännande! Och jag känner att det kanske är något sånt här som jag vill hålla på med! Jag ska leta efter kandidatarbeten om antibiotika eller immunoterapi för nästa år och eventuellt hos något labb som jag kanske kan få hjälpa till hos efter sommaren.

ÄNTLIGEN kändes något intressant och roligt igen!

bt1503_columbia_immunotherapy

A very simplified explanation.

After struggling with exams to re-write for a year and not feeling like the courses from the past 12 months have been especially interesting, I started to worry if had really chosen the right education for me. I lost my motivation after dad passed away, and I still haven’t found it yet, and I didn’t feel that anything sounded interesting or fun. Dementhia? How you’re able to feel pain? How to you digest your food? Lung diseases? Important stuff but nothing that really made my interest spark.

And I thought back to how I was so fascinated by enzymes at the beginning of my studies and how surprised I was to hear that there has basically not been found any new antibiotics since the 80’s. And I thought back to high school when I was slightly interested in histology and thought how it would be cool to look at pathological sections. And I didn’t feel any of that anymore. Until this morning.

To be able to affect the body’s own immune system so it recognizes cancer and tumor cells more easily… you’ve heard about it but never really understood it until now. Immunotherapy! And when you see that it can cure leukemia and refractory metastatic melanoma (malignant melanoma that has stopped responding to treatment)… that’s really exciting! And I feel that it might be something like this that I wanna do! I will search for bachelors projects on antibiotics or immunotherapy for next year and perhaps also at some lab that I might have the opportunity to help after summer.

FINALLY something felt interesting and fun again!

I did well

Finally felt proud of myself again. I finished answering seminar questions, I edited an article and will send it to the teacher soon, I wrote all my parts of the lab report yesterday… It goes slowly, but I’m doing something and not wasting a day on nothing.♥

And I started to floss my teeth again and I will go to bed soon before it’s way too late. Maybe I’ll be myself again soon.

Selfies

Because I feel like having them on my blog too. A few of my favorites from fall and winter this year.

And I got my first glasses this weekend!